If Obama can win it, so can I! – Bal Thackeray

Credit: Mother India, Father Hitler

Credits: Dwayne Booth – Mr. Fish

Renowned hindu nationalist and chief of Shiv Sena, Bal Thackeray who is kept barely-alive by daily transfusion of pure marahti brahmin blood into his fragile 83-year old body and hourly broadcasts of songs  such as ‘Banday Matram‘ and slogans like ‘Bharat mata ki jay, Gandhi ji ki… aisi ki taisi’ in his room believes if Obama can win the Noble Prize for Peace, he too can win it. In fact, he claimed, ‘I am definitely going to win Noble Peace Prize next year, even if I have to eat a billion muslim men alive!”

A current affairs expert from Pakistan predicts that Bal Thackeray may face stiff competition for the next year’s Noble Peace Prize from Hakeem-Ullah Mehsud, the newly appointed young head of TTP (Tehreek-e-Taleban Pakistan) who is doing everything he can from GHQ, Rawalpindi,  Shangla to Peshawar his efforts not get unnotticed in all the hype surrounding Obama. On the other hand, an political analyst from India predicts, that although Hitler never got recognition for his peace efforts despite wiping out millions of people and invading multiple countries, Bal Thackeray being an ardent fan of Hitler, is sure to win the Noble Peace Prize in few years keeping in mind his past record, his newly found enthusiasm after Obama’s win and more importantly because the Noble Prize committee might be able to see ‘the potential’ Bal Thackeray has. However, Bill Maher,  the noted political satirist and TV host, who is very supportive of Obama, believes no body can stop Obama from winning a second Noble Peace Prize; specially if he invades Pakistan, or Iran, or both.

Getting back to the story of Bal Thackera, this correspondent was told that Bal Thackeray was watching a video of Gujrat massacre (2002) (for purely inspirational purposes)  sent by Narendra Modi when his secretary told him  to tune in to a local TV channel and watch the news report of Obama’s Noble Peace Prize win.

When Bal Thackeray tuned in to the channel, the newscaster was mentioning how Obama was included in the nomination list pretty much at the last minute;  just within 12 days of his inaugration and the February 1st deadline of the nomination, and wondered as to what accomplishments Obama had made in less than 2 weeks of his rule as President of USA to deserve a Noble Prize.

“This, exactly this particular fact”,  Bal Thackeray confided t to his secretary, “is a clear proof of how much a true leader can accomplish in just a matter of days what non-marahtis, muslims, dalits, pacifist Gandhians etc can’t do in years (e.g. not spilling blood, not waging wars based on a heap of lies, closing down a prison camp such as Guantanamo bay, not keeping torture pictures hidden,  not delaying to get a good health bill passed, etc etc) . “

When the news reporter mentioned Michael Lipkin’s reaction to Obama’s Noble Prize win, who has famously said, “If Obama deserves the Noble Peace Prize then so does every Miss America contestant who babbles about world peace.“), Bal Thakeray nodded approvingly, and added the words, “Yes  of course…  and, all the more so if the Miss America is a marathi brahmin hindu nationalist fanatically charged human being“.   As soon as the TV report finished, beaming with confidence and optimism Bal Thackeray started to pen down his own strategy to win the next Noble Peace Prize.

Later on addressing a rally of thousands of Shiv Sena’s hindu nationalistic peace lovers, on Sunday 11th October 2009  in the state of Maharashtra, Bal Thackeray unvielded, what he terms as ‘The Dummies Guide to Win a Noble Peace Prize for Butchers”.Shivering with excitement, he screamed at the top of his lungs (which was little less than the thunderous sighs of a crippled old skinny sleepy doped street-cat):   “Now that Obama has won Noble Prize for Peace, I believe it is my turn to be acknowledged for my past efforts and the promise my future holds.  I know I win the damn prize. All I have to do is to: (1) Run for President of India after proclaiming myself to be a dalit. I will have to convince people that electing a son-of-a-dalit will make amends for electing a-man-with-a-beard (Editor’s Note:  seems to be reference to Manmohan Singh’s facial hair’. ) This would be just as good as USA’s election of Obama after selecting a son-of-a-bush

(2) I too beat Apple’s marketing campaign (like obama did in 2008 to win that year’s best marketing campagin award.)(3) To make sure that I can murmur various buzz words just for a minute without laughing at those nutheads who dance to my mantras without comparing my manifesto to the other guys’ manifestos. The buzz words include words such as ‘change’, ‘hope’, ‘yes we can’, ‘man ki shaanti’, ‘raaj neeti’, ‘rab raakha’, ‘jo kehta hay wo khud bhi nahi hota’ etc.

(4) To get a certificate of ‘nice tan’ from Silvio Berlusconi. Haha! I was just kidding. The actual condition is that I should be able to convince the judges that my intentions, slogans, branding, and packaging are more important than my actions and non-existant achievements.

(5) To read Machiavelli, Chankia and Hitler’s Mien Kamp again and again.”

Mr. Thackeray even claimed that he could win the Noble Peace Price in a month or so if only the ‘chokras’ (lads) at the Noble Foundation were not that lazy to have ‘postponed’ the next prizing ceremony till next year.

At the end of  his speech Mr. Thackeray dedicated his strategy to Obama’s hollow-yet-loud and uselesss-yet-glamourous peace-slogans. He also praised the Noble Prize awarding committee and their ability to see the yet-to-take-place achievements of Obama in orcestrating peace in any region bigger than one millimeter square of Earth.

 

 

Filed under: Humor & Sarcasm, Politik, Bal Thackeray, Nobel Prize, Obama, Peace, Terror, War