“I regained my freedom on 29th of February 2012. A very confusing feeling passes through me when i was leaving jail . I did not know whether to feel happy or sad. When i passed those gates to freedom. It was just a unbelievable reaction I was thinking to myself “is this really happening!” I was quite overwhelmed when i got out .I was completely at a loss .I always naively thought if i ever given a second chance at life, i would just leave the whole ordeal behind me, almost as though nothing untoward had ever happened. Over 12 years i had dreamed of waking out of the gate a free young man, and i would try to evoke the feeling that would bring me. Yet when the time finally arrived on 29th of February, my elation was mixed with fear,as i realised, almost immediately, that i had changed. I did not feel comfortable with myself and had forgotten how to be in public. I had not been around people for over 12 years. Those i came into contact with now all seemed to be stranger. I felt intimidated by them and disturbed that i could not remember the right way to act around them. Is it right to look them in their eyes or to ignore them.
Everyone is moving around so quickly and they all seemed to be wearing very modern. How should i behave in this unaccustomed earth! Coming to this unaccustomed land was hard,because i had been comfortable in my small planet. This big unaccustomed land did not feel like my own at all. I found very difficult going from total anonymity to such exposure. What was disturbing was meeting up with people i had once known and realising that we now have little,or nothing common, many of my friends and relatives had hardly changed they wore same clothes, seemed to say same things and doing much the same things as they had been a decade earlier.
No matter how hard i try to shake the feeling of being incarcerated. I can still hear the cell door slamming, the anxiety, apprehension,too many emotions to express in a minimal amount of life. Every noise of my brother’s mobile makes me jump(my one is still on silent) i find it very difficult to fall asleep,because doing so was forbidden during captivity. Reintegration into society will be long and tough . But i will not take freedom for granted.
I am different(i believe so) and a lot better and take one second at a time to conquere life again. I believe that the harder you fall the harder you get up. It takes a want in life to live it, you have to be determined, and most you have to not let set backs keep you down. My grandfather used to say ” set backs always give success” - Sohail Fida